The Year of No: Lessons Learned in 2017
At the beginning of 2017, I was a girl that was simply trying to keep her head above water. I was doing all that I could to keep from drowning.
The year 2016 was a hard one. There were many things that I endured, but also many things that I could have avoided if I had made the choice to do so. The “me” that I was in 2016 became best friends with the word “yes” and unsure of how to say the word “no.”
At the beginning of 2017, however, I made it my personal goal to reevaluate my relationship with “yes” and become firmly rooted in my ability to say “no.”
“Not only did I set a goal to say “no” more often, but I also promised myself that I would become more mindful of when and why it was okay to justify and explain my “no,” and other times, when I didn’t owe an explanation at all. ”
All of this “say no” business didn’t come at random. It wasn’t like I woke up on New Year’s Day last year and decided that it was going to be a great year to start saying “no” more often. It wasn’t like that at all.
Truthfully, the desire to say “no” more often stemmed from my long sought desire to put myself first. I mean really put myself first.
In 2016, I was bent and broken, but I was also pouring out my heart and soul to things, people, and circumstances that did not deserve what I was willing to bring to the table. Not only that, but I used so much energy trying to prove that I had something to bring to the table, and I was so afraid of letting people down, that I was left with nothing to give because my cup was so empty.
Friends, it is true -- you cannot pour from a cup that is empty.
I learned that the hard way, but I pressed forward into 2017, hopeful that with my determination to live a year of more fruitful “nos”” and less empty “yeses,” that I would see change in my life.
I was a little afraid of what God might ask me to do when I finally gave in and realized the urgency of learning how to say the word “no” again. I wasn’t sure where I would be called to, and what I would be called to do, but I was obedient. And as always, the Lord was, and is, faithful.
It wasn’t long after the New Year that my “Year of No” was off with a bang with a scheduled mission trip to Hungary.
Fast forward a few months, and I found myself saying “no” to grad school, and “yes” to starting a blog.
My “Year of No” was quickly becoming my best year.
All because I made a point to be more mindful, more deliberate, and more committed to changing things.
In 2017, I learned so much about my faith, and about how to use my gifts and talents to bring glory to God here on Earth. In addition to that, I learned a lot about friendship, self-care, and service.
These are some of my lessons learned:
1. Say no. Say it again. Then, say it again.
Are you pouring yourself into so many different things that it’s difficult to find the energy to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again? This year, I focused on saying “no” to the things that I didn’t believe would fulfill me, push me, or cultivate my faith, and started saying “yes” to more things that I believed would fill my cup, push me forward, and bring me closer to the Lord. Say no. It will change your life.
2. It’s okay to put yourself first.
I think that it’s important to evaluate where we are putting the most time and effort in our lives, and whether or not that is the area in which we want to be putting in so much time and effort. After questioning this, and re-prioritizing, the “nos” began to take care of themselves. At first, I felt guilty and as though I owed an explanation for saying “no.” Don’t feel guilty. We don’t owe anyone an explanation.
3. People will come and go.
This is just a hard truth in life, and one that might hit you in the face many times. As I reflect on this year, it seems as though this was the year for me to stare that truth in the face. I think that there are some people that are meant to stick around forever, and others are only in our lives for a season.
4. Faith is not comfortable.
Oh man, this is a big one. If I have learned anything this year, it’s that God does not call us into comfort. He does not call us into easy, manageable, or sensible. HE can and will comfort us, give us strength, and make things make sense in His time, but faith is not meant to be a comfortable thing. This year, I learned that I have to put in the effort. Faith is hard, messy, and really uncomfortable, but that’s how we grow.
5. You don’t have to drain yourself to the last drop.
If we are pouring our cups into things that will also pour into us, then we will never empty. That’s not to say that we will not be spent at times, but when we are pouring into the right things, we are not draining our cups to the last drop. When we take care of ourselves, and give in to what is good, the good will fill us, and then it will beam off of us.
. . .
I have learned all of these things and so much more in 2017. Committing myself to learning how to say “no” changed my life. When I became more mindful and deliberate about what and who I was saying “yes” to, I began to see more fruit in my life. For me, saying “no” this year has taken me further, and filled me more than a thousand empty promises of “yes” ever will.
Maybe the end of your 2017 looked a lot like the end of my 2016 did and you know that this new year has to be different.
Maybe you are empty, just so empty.
I was.
You don’t have to be, though. Be deliberate. Be mindful. Say “no.” Then, allow yourself to say “yes” to something better.
With Love,
Brittany Jeanine